jcs

I've moved!

Hi neighbors. I've moved my blog to TypePad. You can now visit me at http://italianjap.typepad.com/blog/. You can follow me on TypePad by visiting my profile. See you there!

I've moved!

Hi neighbors. I've moved my blog to TypePad. You can now visit me at http://jamspics.typepad.com/italianjap/. You can follow me on TypePad by visiting my profile. See you there!

Why So Hard?

Today was going really well until it was time for Jan and I to leave for school.  Normally when I have a day off during the week I'll drop him off on campus and spend some time over at the library and then pick him up after class.

Well, today he was so mean!  He was starving, I guess, and he wanted to go to Lenny's to pick up a sandwich before class.  I kept trying to tell him we'd be making a good dinner afterwards and for him to hold out until then.  He said he was going anyway, I hmphed, and he got all pissed off and stormed out of the apartment saying he'd drive himself to school.  And that's what he did.  He left me standing in the living room door wide open.  I locked it, went downstairs, and he was already in his car on the phone with whoever.  And he ignored me in the parking lot as I walked to my own car.  All over a fucking sandwich!

We've been eating out a lot lately and we kind of don't have the money for that.  I especially don't have the money for that with me moving and all.  And him going to New Jersey soon.  Why are we splurging?  A five dollar meal here and there adds up.  I mean, I know he was hungry, but couldn't he have waited?  And fine, if he couldn't have, did he really have to get pissed off at a sound he makes all the time at me when he's angry?  I also paid for the last Buffy DVD set and the utilities and our Bahama Breeze night!  Which wouldn't be a big deal if I thought he at least appreciated it!

This fight ruined what could have potentially been a very good day.  He treats me like shit sometimes and he doesn't even care.  By the end of the day he's cooled down and acts like everything okay, but I'm still waiting for an apology.  Do I ever get it?  No, because he thinks he's done nothing wrong...  He makes me so angry!

No to fucking mention that my hamster died last night.  My poor little baby who I feel so guilty about leaving in California.  I was so hoping that I'd be back home...  Before he passed.  A part of me thinks he was trying to hold on for me :[  Mom said he was balding and had a tumor on his shoulder...  He was like 3 years old.

So, what the fuck ever.  Today sucks.  Tomorrow's probably going to suck.  I'm just so pissed off sad.

Tomorrow's the Day

I'm so nervous.  I really, really want this.  I need to feel like I can be an adult.  I just want it.

I miss writing online, posting pictures.  I miss taking pictures.  I have nothing to take pictures of anymore.  I'm never doing anything fun or exciting anymore...

Kind of makes me think that I was never doing anything fun or exciting to being with...  I was just able to see the fun in everything.  And now I can't.  That makes me sad.

Wow.

So much has happened within the last month.

As of now Jan and I are no longer together.  We broke up sometime late March.  No real details.  I'm really sad though.

I'm looking for a new apartment.  Wish me luck!  I'm hoping that they'll calculate that I make enough to live here: http://www.stonebridgecrossingapts.com.  It seems beautiful and safe.  Everything I'd want.  I just want to be able to afford it.  So keep your fingers crossed for me!

Stonebridge Crossing

I'm around! I promise...

I'm around!  I promise!

I hate mistakes.

I am so sad and depressed right now.  I HATE f-ing up.  Stupid banks.  Stupid Jamie.  Geez.  I'm an IDIOT!!  This is even worse than when I spaced with my credit card payment...  <cry>

Wow.

It's been almost a month since I've last written.

Not having an internet connection sucks.

But I've managed to live - almost happily - without it.

Work is grand.

Miss my friends and family.

Making new friends.

Living life.

It's fabulous.

A Whole Bunch of Nothing

There's been no access to internet lately, so here I am at the lab, with Jan, who supposedly came here to print something out, but forgot his disc at the apartment.

I guess there's really nothing new and interesting in my life.  All there is, is work.  And I love it.  I love my coworkers.  Well, most of them.  I guess I could talk about that.

Nah, changed my mind.

I really don't like thinking about stuff too much.  I don't like thinking about how I won't be seeing my parents this holiday, or how I'll have to drive back to Memphis on Christmas Day because my boyfriend wants to stay in Clarksville longer than I'm able.  He wants to see Mary Kay, I guess.  I would rather stay in Memphis alone for Christmas rather than having to drive by myself.  That's even lonelier.  I wouldn't even feel lonely snuggled up in a warm apartment with the guinea pigs.  I'm considering adopting a cat or a dog since he's making me stay there alone and drive back by myself.

I guess things are good btween him and me.  We fight.  And the fights are pretty bad, but I've started to accept them as normal -- which sounds shitty.  Things have gotten better though.  He took me out to lunch today.  And he did the dishes.  And he's been pretty affectionate.

I don't know.  I kind of feel aimless.

But I'm only 21.  That's okay to feel this way now, right?

Happy happiness.

I’ve been busy lately.

Work is…great.  I love it.  So far, I’m completely happy and satisfied.  My coworkers are friendly.  I love the animals.  It’s so close to perfect it’s scary.

Jan and I are good.  He came to visit me at work today.  We went out to Wendy’s during my lunch break.  It was sweet.

Um, I guess there’s nothing else to report.  I’m pretty happy right now.